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Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21 NKJV)
Marriage is the fusion of two spirits, souls and bodies raised from different backgrounds, with different outlooks to life and possibly differing values that must become one. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh. Gen 2:24 NKJV
The process of becoming one is actually the marriage experience as you storm and form through the foray of varying and clashing personalities, finding what works and what needs to go as you normalize on the way to becoming ONE.
There will be plenty episodes of frustration and bouts of disagreements, there will be seasons of doubt where you will wonder how or why you ever fell in love with this same person that you seem to never agree about anything anymore, sometimes it may seem like you are married to a stranger – they are but seasons.
In addition, there would also be seasons of great trials and tribulations, and this can come in any form. For some it might be financial, for some it might be health challenges, for some career, some will be tried with delay in breakthroughs, delay in child bearing or maybe even series of miscarriages – the tests will surely come but what defines us is how we handle ourselves during the test by the things we say.
One of the innate abilities we possess by virtue of being created in the likeness and image of God is the ability to create with the spoken word. The earth was void and formless and God said “let there be light” and there was light! Something came from seemingly nothing! However, we must note that the Spirit of God was brooding over the earth – this is topic for another day entirely.
We saw Adam exercise this creative power for the first time when God brought the animals to him, and whatsoever he called them was what there were called. Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name (Gen 2:19 NKJV).
Whatever you call your spouse is what they become!
How do I know this to be true? Psalm 82:6 NKJV – “I said you are gods, and all of you are children of the most High” and Jesus Christ confirms this even in John 10:34-35 NKJV – “Jesus answered them, is it not written in your law, I said you are gods? If He called them gods to whom the word of God came (and the scripture cannot be broken)”
If God has given us the power to create by the spoken word because we have been made gods like Him, why then do we use our words flippantly and allow our emotions get the better of us?
Would we rub off on each other in the course of our marital journey? Oh absolutely! In fact, that Holy Spirit-filled and God-loving and serving brother will do things, and you will almost question his salvation – oh yes!
Marriage brings out every hidden part of who we are. However, in the midst of the confusion in our minds when the flesh and our emotions are raging, what words do we speak over our spouses?
Many Christian couples have subjected themselves to a life of mediocrity because they consistently confess the negative about their partner; you have a little disagreement and you are already calling them all sort of names: stupid, dumb, cheat, womanizer, lazy, not man enough, gold digger (oya start filling up the spaces at this point oooo…. Lol! You know the vocabulary peculiar to you).
He becomes what you call him to be! She becomes what you call her to be!
Adam understood this concept so powerfully, it amazes me when I think about it. They had just been caught red-handed in sin, their eyes opened and their sweet innocence corrupted. The jury was out and God was dishing judgement to all the participants (honestly I can imagine how angry and disappointed God felt at that point), all the blame trading was going on and each participant was getting their portion. Adam, of course, was the last to receive his portion as grand master and as God was reeling out his sentence, the man was activating his creative ability and his answer to everything said to him was to look at his wife and say – You will be called Eve because you are the mother of all living.
Now this was a significant moment; Adam had just been cursed by the One who nobody can reverse what He had done and Adam reacted by giving his lifeline to his wife who we can say was somewhat responsible for the sentence he had just been served (I mean she was the one who was deceived, right?). He was deliberate and very specific in his proclamation, Eve would not just be mother of all human beings, she would be mother of all living – dictionary meaning says everything that has life everything existent, everything that would be created, inventions, ideas, innovations; Adam called forth that ability over Eve at the worst moment in his life. We do have a lot to learn from Adam.
There is need for us to choose – not to be overtaken by our emotions and controlled by temporary circumstances of disagreement or conflict, to believe the lie that shortcomings and personal weaknesses define who we are.
We must choose to speak the good we desire to see over our spouses, we must choose not to be careless with our choice of words and utterances.
Your partner is a garden that you have received as a gift, pay attention to it, nurse it and groom it by speaking words of life over your spouse; you have creative ability, use it wisely.
Proverbs 14:1 NKJV says “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands” but I say, “The wise woman builds her home with her tongue, but the foolish pulls hers with the same”
Be Wise!

Writer: Ademorayo Anuoluwapo Apara (‘Moo)

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