A Safe Haven

Mr and Mrs Bademosi have five children, all doing well in various spheres of life. The middle child Erioluwa works in the counselling unit in the renowned Medical Center in New York City.

In the last few years, she has met various people from different parts of the world. Unfortunately, most of these people had faulty mindsets, which shaped other areas of their lives. Some were willing to go the extra mile to renew their paradigms, while others were not open to changing their perspectives, and it took a lot of enlightenment and prayers for them to see the light.

A particular boy stood out amongst them all. She never understood why a young child would be so bent on leaving his family behind and moving in and out of shelters because foster homes kept rejecting him after he spent a few weeks with them.

Erickson walked into her office with blisters and bruises all over his face, arms, and legs; a police officer accompanied him. He had been charged to court for the attempted murder of his foster father.

All evidence showed he was guilty. The judge gave him a chance to go for counselling because of his age. Day in, day out, at the counselling unit, different counsellors came to speak with Erickson, but none could get to the root of the problem. They were aware there was a “resetting” in him that prompted him to behave in that manner. Unfortunately, they couldn’t crack the code!

Erioluwa got to a point where she realized that God had to be involved for the boy to open up, so she took to praying for him and about his case. Then, finally, Erickson spoke for the first time after three months of going back and forth. He said, “my family”. At first, it did not make sense to Erioluwa; however, on second thought, she understood that everything began from home.

A family consists of one or more parents and their children living together as a unit. Family is a safe abode from all the different societal crises, but it has become the other way around.

Statistics show that:

• 6% of all marriages in the US end in divorce.
• Roughly one in two children will see their parent’s marriage breakup.
• 21% of children are being raised without their fathers in America.
• Children are more likely to experience behaviour issues when parents divorce when the child is between the age of 7 and 14.
• Children with divorced parents are twice as likely to drop out of high school.
• Seventy percent of inmates come from broken homes. Dysfunctional families and physical, mental, and sexual abuse lead to psychological problems. Coping with these problems often leads to drug use.

Dysfunctional homes produce wounded children due to various abuses they experience. We assume that sexual abuse is the worst ever, but there are massive effects verbal, emotional, financial abuse have on these children. Most of them don’t heal from it because children are meant to keep quiet and listen to adults speak. As a result, these children grow up maladjusted in various spheres of life. They interact with other humans and sometimes rub their insecurity off others. The cycle continues unless such individuals make intentional efforts towards growth.

The way forward is for every individual to be intentional about investing in themselves, acknowledging their weaknesses, opening up to help, and supporting other people around them to be better people with God in the midst of this. Our families get healed when we, as adults, go through the process of healing!

Erioluwa learned that Erickson was often verbally abused by his mother, who remarried after several years of being a single parent. She resented Erickson’s father and passed all the hate to her son. As a result, one day, when he had had enough, he burnt down the house, resulting in the death of his mother, stepfather, and two siblings, after which he ran away. He attempted to kill his foster father because he constantly repeated certain words his mother said to him when she was alive.

Erickson got sent to the juvenile home, where counselling will continue, and the court will review his case periodically. The experience prompted Erioluwa to come back to Nigeria with only one goal: to bring peace to homes!

Writer: Ayomide Fasakin