4 Things to Look Out For in a Prospective Partner
In as much as your singleness is a time you’re not in any relationship, there’s no doubt that there are people who desire to see you move out of that phase. Sometimes, it could be your parents, who are yearning for grandkids and would like nothing more than for you to tie the knot and start popping those babies. Some friends also try to convince you to stop being a hard girl and just find someone to settle down with.
Most times, these people do not understand you; at least, they don’t get to you as much as the men dem who are trying to take you out of the “Miss” zone and put you right at the center of the “Mrs” zone. You probably wouldn’t feel so much pressure if it was just one man – decisions are best made when there’s usually just one option.
No, my dear, no such luck. You have tons of them coming at you from every angle; you’re wondering if it’s just you on the planet Earth. Congrats! You’re a spec, they know it, and they want that spec in their circle.
But you’re confused and don’t know which of them you think would fit into that picture you have in your head. Or maybe, there’s more than one person who fits into that picture in your head. It can be confusing sometimes.
Well, as Christians, we walk by faith and not by sight. And at the end of the day, it’s left to you to make a choice. However, there are some boxes I believe a prospective partner should tick, and I also think that these boxes would help you narrow down the wide array of choices you have. So, let’s go:
Is He Born Again?
Note that I didn’t ask if he is a churchgoer. The fact that he goes to church doesn’t mean he is born again. The fact that you met him in church doesn’t mean he is born again.
Church aside, what is his relationship with God like? Is he a God-lover? Does he exhibit the fruits of the Spirit? Is he someone you know can be a priest in your home, or you are probably going to have to do all the spiritual activities alone?
If he doesn’t tick this particular box, then he shouldn’t move on to the next stage. There’s no point doing that. At this stage, it should be “Boy bye.”
Do You Have Similar Values?
An important part of any relationship is the compatibility of values. If a man isn’t aligned with what you want in life, no matter how good-looking or “perfect” he may be, the relationship won’t last long.
Men and women have different opinions about many things, but if you can find someone who thinks the same way you do about the more important things like life, marriage, money, travel, etc., then you’re good to go.
When you meet someone who has the same outlook and wants to focus on the same things, your relationship is much easier.
Is He Supportive?
I had someone I liked, a while back. He liked me too, and it looked like we were getting somewhere. One day, though, I was working on a writing job for a client and he asked what I was doing. When I told him I was working on a writing gig, he said, “What kind of stupid job is that?” Ladies, that was the day I knew I couldn’t proceed with this uncle. In fact, I was glad I wasn’t in a relationship with him yet.
No one wants someone who isn’t supportive, and you shouldn’t either. A man who isn’t supportive is someone you should avoid as much as you can. Sometimes, you aren’t even sure of yourself and all you need is a word of encouragement from someone who holds a special place in your heart. Now, imagine that same person saying the opposite; saying something that will probably make you feel worse than you already feel. Nope, you don’t need that kind of person in your life.
Is He Emotionally Mature?
Emotional maturity is crucial for long-term relationships. Working with an emotionally mature adult means you get respect and understanding instead of jabs and snipes. You want someone who can talk to you and tell you when something’s bugging him about the relationship, without him resorting to verbal or physical attacks.
When someone’s emotionally mature, he would think about you and how his actions may be affecting you instead of automatically going on the defense. People who don’t have a well-rounded sense of self and relationships tend to put themselves first before anything else. This can cause the relationship to break down before it’s even had the chance to truly flourish.
If you’re looking for a partner who can listen to you and work through issues with you amicably, find someone who’s emotionally mature.
There are other things you need to look out for, but this should help you sift out the weeds from the wheat. And the best thing about this? You have the Holy Spirit to guide you. With Him, you can’t fall into error.
Writer: Precious Ajala